The Twenty Tricks of Uzumaki Naruto
by CrazyGirlofManyNames
Summary: The number one loudmouth, hyperactive ninja knows more than he lets on...he's not stupid. Rated T just to be safe, nothing too explicit is in here.


I don't own Naruto. This is part of my big project. This will be in the 20truths format. I'll be doing twenty-three Naruto characters.

**The Twenty Tricks of Uzumaki Naruto**

**By:**

**CrazyGirlOfManyNames**

_One_

Naruto fooled everyone into thinking that he had a horrible memory, but in fact he has an excellent visual memory. He remembers every nuance, every color, and every word from books or from things that happened. He remembers being born; he remembers the bright lights and seeing his mother. Naruto remembers the wet (from sweat) long red hair and tired, but happy green eyes as she held him close. He felt the warmth-the love that woman had for him. Then he remembers a man that has spiky blonde hair and bright blue eyes, staring down at him.

Naruto remembers the pain in that man's eyes. He picks Naruto up and rushes to the battlefield. As an infant he had not idea what was going on. That man is the Yondaime Hokage, he realizes and he remembers the painful moment went something dark and sinister merges with his being. Naruto knew he cried and he was the only person to know the Yondaime's true last words.

"I love you, Naruto." So when Tsunade and Kakashi hand him a box of his parents' things when he turned sixteen, Naruto stares at the things for the longest time. He stares at the Godaime and his genin sensei.

"What were their names," asked Naruto.

"Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina," said Kakashi. Naruto looked satisfied. He picked up the box and pulled out a scroll, a storage scroll. He locked away those things, but all he needs to know that his parents loved him and did not abandoned him.

_Two_

When he was five years old, Naruto found that not everyone hated him. The Sandaime Hokage for one and a mysterious black haired and eyed shinobi never hated him and always protected the best they could. The Sandaime visited Naruto weekly, even if it was just for a meal or a five-minute check-up. Naruto always looked forward to those visits, because it warmed his heart.

Now for the mysterious black haired and eyed shinobi, Naruto calls him his Savior. On his fifth birthday was when he first encountered his hero. It was another Kyuubi-must-die drunken fool that tried to attack Naruto. For the first four years, Naruto was able to avoid this thanks to the Sandaime, but he was on his own this year. For sure, Naruto thought the stinky man was going to hurt him. Then his hero showed up.

"It's not nice to pick on young children," he said, kunai to the man's throat. "Go home, you fool." The man ran, muttering under his breathe. The mysterious guy kneeled next to a scared as hell Naruto. "He's gone."

"T-thanks," said Naruto, crying, a little bit. The guy ruffled his hair. Naruto stopped crying, he felt the older boy's eyes had kindness in them.

"Go and hide where no one will find you until the end of the day, it is not safe for you to be out," said the guy. That was not the only time that black haired guy saved him. Various times, Naruto had been trying to get some food but no shop would sell to the 'demon brat'. As a five year old, he was getting frustrated—he was just hungry and he had money, so he did not see the problem.

"Get out of here, monster," shouted another vendor, glaring at the poor boy.

"Come, Naruto-chan," said a voice. Naruto perked up to find the person who saved him on the tenth there and he even knew his name. His Savior put a hand on Naruto's shoulder and began leading him away. The vendor paled, Naruto did not understand why. "I'll show you, some place you can eat." Naruto happily walked with the black haired stranger. Ichiraku's was a ramen stand and the owner was nice to Naruto.

"Thanks, Nii-san," said Naruto, not knowing what else to call the stranger, "I'll be able to afford this place."

"I'm sure you will, Naruto-chan," said the guy, getting up to leave but not before paying for both of them. "Stay out of trouble." Many times over two years, Naruto ran into him at opportune moments—the guy even helped him find some clothing and gave him some tips on kunai and shuriken throwing. Then after his seventh birthday, his mysterious hero was no more. Naruto was kind of sad, but vowed to be a good person like that guy to help a poor child.

When Naruto was twelve, he realized his savoir was none other than Uchiha Itachi at the hotel room where he was staying with Jiraiya to find Tsunade (Itachi called him Naruto-kun too). Naruto was confused and he realized that something deeper, something more was going on with Uchiha Itachi. So when Itachi gave Naruto a power to help defeat Sasuke if necessary and 

subsequently finding out a few hours later that Uchiha Itachi was no more, Naruto thought long and hard.

Naruto decided that no matter what anyone says, Itachi was a good man and damn great shinobi and if Naruto could just figure out what the hell Itachi was trying to tell him the last time they met, he would be happy.

_Three_

It was no surprise that Naruto was close with Iruka; the man gave sound advice and made more sense than Kakashi. So Naruto was glad the one that found him and comforted him when Jiraiya died was Iruka. Naruto was glad that Iruka helped him but Naruto was lost without Jiraiya, his only companion for two and half years (most of the time). While no one could replace Iruka and Kakashi in Naruto's heart as sensei, Jiraiya was not merely sensei but shishou. And besides Kakashi was more like an insane uncle more than anything.

_Four_

Naruto only has two girlfriends, ever. Haruno Sakura and Hyuuga Hinata were the two loves of his life. Naruto fell in love with Sakura at eight years old, because she was pretty and smart. He finally got her to go out with him when they were seventeen (sure Sasuke was back but he was in rehab and being watched like a hawk by ANBU). They dated for a few months when Naruto realized—he did not love Sakura like a lover anymore but more as a big sister figure. Naruto was the one to break it off with Sakura, who understood and felt like Naruto was a little brother.

When he was eighteen, he realized that Hinata liked him for a really long time. By eighteen, Hinata was the object of many guys' fantasies and that annoyed Naruto. He also found that despite being soft-spoken she was really fun to be around, so he asked her out. While Neji, Hiashi, and Hanabi were alright with Hinata and Naruto dating, the Hyuuga Council did not want Hinata to be associating with the village pariah.

Naruto and Hinata's relationship managed to last around a year, but Naruto thought it was best that Hinata find someone else to love.

And to this day, Naruto announces his love for both Sakura and Hinata anytime he visits, or as he calls them affectionately 'Saku-chan' and 'Hina-chan', much to the chagrin of both their husbands.

_Five_

Naruto and Sasuke's serious all out fight record is 1 to 1. Naruto lost at the Valley of the End and Sasuke lost at the Akatsuki's hideout. The only reason Naruto lost was that he went easy on Sasuke and they both know it. Naruto's best friend and brother needed his butt whopped and balls kicked to snap the moron out of the evil side.

Naruto really trusted Sasuke the first time before he left for Orochimaru and Naruto took ten years to fully trust Sasuke again. Naruto also hoped that Sasuke never left again because he really does not want to risk Kyuubi getting released from his body again.

Besides, Naruto can always tease Sasuke about the avenger screaming out with tears on his face 'NARUTO, YOU DOBE, DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING DIE ON ME!' Naruto loved that memory because it showed Sasuke vulnerable to emotion and Naruto was glad Sasuke loved him as much as he loved Sasuke.

_Six_

Naruto loved skipping class with Shikamaru, Chouji and Kiba, even though they thought he was annoying but they did not hate him. Naruto thinks Shikamaru is the first person his age to find about Kyuubi inside of him even before him. Shikamaru was not called a genius for nothing. Shikamaru does not hate anyone except maybe Hidan, besides he probably finds troublesome to hate Naruto.

Naruto realizes that Kiba and him are more alike—both are loud, both have animal attributes (dogs and foxes), and both are brash. Naruto supposes that this is why they are always at each other's throats.

Naruto is the only person that is not an Akimichi to beat Chouji in a ramen eating contest, multiple times. Although, Naruto gets indigestion from eating too much ramen, he looks forward to eating ramen with Chouji.

He learns to appreciate the three of them more, when they (against Tsunade's orders and with other friends) came to save him from Akatsuki's clutches.

_Seven_

It's no surprise that Naruto has soft spots for girls. Besides, Sakura and Hinata being his loves, Ino and Tenten are very important to him. Ino helped him prepare for dates with Sakura and Hinata and taught him about the language of flowers. Tenten gives him advice on a lot of things, besides she's an orphan too, Naruto has an understanding with Tenten.

Naruto is a guy that Ino and Tenten can go to when they have problems with Sai and Neji, who have trouble with emotions. Naruto likes to be reliable for his girls—two of his sisters.

Lee and Shino are two guys that Naruto is not close too but like nonetheless. Naruto is a hard-worker like Lee, so if Naruto needs a training partner he goes to Lee and Shino, despite talking weird, is nice and he never said anything mean to Naruto. Naruto will go to Shino just to talk to someone, which most people never take the imitative to talk to Shino because they find the bugs creepy.

_Eight_

Naruto is jealous of Gaara because he has Temari and Kankurou. Temari is a good big sister and Kankurou is a good big brother. The blonde ninja feels fortunate enough that both see him as a younger brother. And for certain when Naruto visits he can look forward to Temari and Kankurou's cooking.

_Nine_

In all honesty sometimes Naruto loves Gaara more than Sasuke and sometimes more than everyone else. It has nothing to do with Sasuke and his betrayal. Gaara and Naruto have understanding as Jinchuuriki, even though they hate that word with a passion. Naruto knows no matter what that he'll always have at least one friend because Naruto knows he is Gaara's first friend and to tell the truth to Naruto Gaara is his first person to understand him completely.

Naruto loves Neji like a brother similar to Sasuke, which causes the Hyuuga and Uchiha to argue who Naruto's best friend is (Gaara joins this argument if he is in Konoha on business). Naruto knows that Neji is loyal to him and really wants him to become Hokage, but in reality the Hyuuga changed already without Naruto's help as Hokage.

_Ten_

Sadly enough, Naruto could not save the other seven like him and that is probably the biggest regret of his life. He wanted to talk to them (and maybe even fight them) like Gaara. He wanted to ease their pain, if he could. So he begged Kakashi and Tsunade to help him find out about the seven others.

In his room, on his night stand he has the files on Onee-chan Nii Yugito, Ojii-san Yonbi, Onii-san Gobi, Onee-chan Rokubi, Obaa-san Shichibi, and Onii-san Hachibi. Everyone but Yugito had no name, but there were pictures. So he prays for their souls every night along for his deceased parents, Itachi, Jiraiya and eventually Tsunade.

And sometimes, he traces his fingers over the pictures of those people, wishing they were alive so he could see them smile, because not one of them smile and Naruto's heart hurts for them.

Naruto also makes sure that the King of Hell statue that contains the eight other bijuu is always guarded by Suna or Konoha ANBU via Gaara and Kakashi. No one needed eight demons rampaging through the lands.

_Eleven_

Surprisingly, Naruto doesn't hate the Akatsuki. No matter all the shit they put him, Gaara, and the others through, Naruto cannot bring himself to hate the members of Akatsuki. He actually pities them, because they never cared about anyone but themselves (exception Itachi of course).

They only person he truly hates is Uchiha Mandara (Orochimaru comes close, mind you), because he was puppet-master behind it all.

So, no Naruto pities the member of Akatsuki because they were just pawns in the sick game of Mandara.

_Twelve_

He is not particular fond of Suigetsu. He likes Juugo, when the big man isn't losing his mind. Karin is similar to Sakura, but different and Naruto always has soft spots for girls.

Suigetsu is too bloodthirsty and not to mention the fact he stole Zabuza's sword from his grave, so Naruto doesn't like him that much.

Juugo is nice to talk to, because he is a good person with an unfortunate problem.

Karin amuses Naruto, because it is easier to rile her up than Sakura or Tsunade (the only thing he and Suigetsu have in common but for completely different reasons).

_Thirteen_

To Naruto, Tsunade is like an aunt (some think he thinks of her as a mother, but no one could replace that red haired woman from his first memories). He doesn't leave his home for two days after she dies. Kurenai and Gai are also like an aunt and uncle respectively. Yamato and Sai are like his cousins. He loves them as much as he loves his other precious people.

And surprisingly enough Kurenai, Gai, and Yamato are all excellent cooks, so Naruto tries to go to their apartments for dinner.

Naruto can't help but give Sai advice that may not be good just for the fun of Sai making an ass of himself on purpose (Ino beats him up for doing it, though).

_Fourteen_

Everyone knows that Naruto graduates the Academy at 12 and is placed on Team 7 with Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura under Hatake Kakashi.

He isn't able to become Chuunin until he is 17 because he did not have a team to participate in the Chuunin Exams and because of everything with Akatsuki. In truth, he knows the Council member Homura and Koharu along with Danzou kept him from doing so because to them he is a danger to Konoha. Luckily, they got theirs when Sasuke told Tsunade all about the Uchiha Massacre.

The following year he becomes a Jounin and joins the ANBU.

Two months later, Tsunade dies and Naruto retires from the ANBU. He thinks about becoming a Jounin sensei like Jiraiya, his father, and Kakashi.

For the next five years he becomes more notorious than Kakashi as he never passes a team.

As for his dream of being Hokage, well, that's a whole story. Naruto has been able to make every single shinobi of Konoha think well of him. With Kakashi as the interim Rokudaime Hokage and Kurenai and Gai as the new Council members, and his friends' fathers and mothers as the Heads of the Clans, one would think Naruto shoo in for the next Hokage.

But still there is a really big problem—the majority of the civilians cannot let bygones be bygones.

Konoha does not need a civilian uprising, so Naruto tells Kakashi to not bother with fighting for him to become Hokage.

_Fifteen_

When Naruto turns thirty, he moves out the Konoha village up into mountains of Konoha. He finds a house up there, abandoned, so Naruto buys it. He cleans it up all by his self. He repaints 

it, gets rid of the moss and vines, plants a garden in the back, and inside he cleans it and redecorates it.

Sasuke and Sakura are his first visitors and they think the place suited him.

He likes the seclusion, but he always visits his friends in Konoha.

_Sixteen_

Naruto has the most godchildren a person could have and is a revered Uncle to all of his friends' and sensei's offspring. All of Sasuke's children (4 and one on the way and technically one of them isn't Sasuke but that's a whole another story), all of Sakura's children (seven), all of Kakashi's children (two), Gaara's daughter, Shikamaru's son, Hinata's daughter, Ino's son, and Kurenai's son (Shikamaru also is godfather).

Apparently they trust him with their children. But Naruto constantly is a babysitter for multiple of them at a time. Naruto loves them; he really does, but YOU try dealing with a mini-Sasuke and a mini-Kakashi who hate each other and argue constantly and not to mention Ino's son who never shuts up and Shikamaru's son who never wants to do anything.

But he really loves them, he does. But honestly he wishes they were not just like their parents.

_Seventeen_

Naruto is not one to play favorites with anything. But he likes spending time with Akira the most. Akira is Sakura's only biological son (all her other children are adopted for reasons that will be explained at a later date). He is the most polite out of all the children (which has something to do with his step-father) and the shyest. At least every two weeks, Akira is up at Naruto's mountain home just to talk.

Naruto knows everything about the boy. He tries to talk to Sakura and his biological father, but they hear none of what Naruto is saying.

So the blonde can't help but think of Akira like his own son.

_Eighteen_

He does not hate Kyuubi no Yoko for ruining his life, he just dislikes the Kitsune Youkai very much. Naruto's tenet does not get along well with Naruto and vice versa. Kyuubi tries to break out more times than Naruto can count. Naruto hardly relies on Kyuubi's energy, unless it is a 

really dangerous emergency. Naruto has high chakra reserves; he would have had them even without Kyuubi in him.

Kyuubi only tells Naruto two things that make him think--that he is an idiotic human that needs to learn to think with common sense. And also that any children that Naruto would have with a human woman would have Kitsune Youkai attributes thus be half-demons, because, in essence, Naruto is technically a full demon.

So, Naruto made the decision to not have any children because he did not want them to be put through that alienation of being a half-human, half-demon.

Besides, Kyuubi told Naruto, the demon already has offspring off living their lives. And yes Kyuubi is male.

_Nineteen_

Naruto has really good friends outside of the village. None of them are shinobi or civilians or nuke-ninja, but scholars and underground fighters. Jiraiya, during Naruto's training trip, took him to the scholarly capital of the ninja world. It was not owned by any village, it had the largest library, and all writers and researchers ran the city. They created the textbooks the Academy students learn out of, they compile list of jutsu from various countries and they put together books.

Jiraiya was well-liked in that town. Naruto found that Jiraiya's IchaIcha was something of legend. More than once in town were the two stopped just to get Jiraiya to sign a copy of IchaIcha. Naruto laughed merrily. But of course, Jiraiya did not bring him there for nothing.

Naruto was going to be schooled. Jiraiya sent him to the library first thing the second day they were in town. Of course, Naruto knew full well that Jiraiya was going to do 'research'. Naruto, being only fourteen at the time, patience grew thin after waiting for an hour because apparently Jiraiya got some people to help him out.

"Sorry, we're late, Naruto-san," said a girl with hazel eyes and dark pink hair. She was Miki. Then there was a girl with black hair and eyes, she was Chi. Then there was another pink haired girl but her hair was pastel like Sakura's hair and she had forest green eyes, she was Hanami. And there was a boy with green hair and eyes, he was Ringo. They taught him or rather re-taught him properly about writing in general, handwriting, and history.

They become four of his good friends, despite having completely different interests than Naruto. Not to mention, Naruto does some good matchmaking when necessary.

As for the underground fighters, well, that meeting was after the scholarly learning sessions. The Underground Ninja Championship Fighting Arena was a place for gamblers (in fact Naruto finds out that Tsunade has a large debt there, of course). Naruto sat with Jiraiya in the crowd to watch. Naruto never seen such awesome taijutsu (and too bad by the time he gets a break it's no more, he would have loved to take Lee). Jiraiya is able to get the two of them to meet four of main match fighters after the show.

Kiyoshi had brown hair in a ponytail with brown eyes; he is loud and brash but is quite intelligent. Hoku had purple hair and eyes; she is kind of flirty but she is wickedly strong. Then there was Hunter (not her real name from Naruto finds out) who had long black hair and light blue eyes. Again she is wickedly strong. And lastly there is Eva who had black hair and eyes. She is always in a crappy mood, and does some weird moves that do not even allow her opponents to touch her.

They help Naruto train and he is eternally grateful. Naruto tells them to come around Konoha if they aren't busy. He again does matchmaking for them.

Lo and behold when Pain and Konan begin attacking Konoha, the four scholars and four fighters Naruto befriends shows up with twenty-two others. Tsunade does not care where the help came from and she sent a group of scholars and fighters to Suna, just in case. The fighters, along with Team Gai were sent on the front line to attempt to take out one or two of Pain's bodies or Konan. The scholars helped make tactical plans with the Nara men.

Naruto came back from his nature energy training with the toads, surprised and thrilled. So of course, when they need a place to stay because of the dissolution of the UNCFA and the attack on the scholar town (courtesy of Kisame and Zetsu), Naruto begs Tsunade and Gaara to take them in.

_Twenty_

When he turns fifty, Naruto realizes that something was wrong. He still looked like he was thirty, while Sasuke already had strains of gray hair and so did Sakura. Of course, Naruto figured that it was something with Kyuubi. He talked to the demon and the fox told him that he just has an extended life by a couple hundred years or so. Kyuubi told Naruto that he liked to live more but a human body can only take so much demon energy over the years.

Naruto did not find this very fair but he could not do anything about it. Besides that means he will have a longer time to protect over his precious people and their descendants. Heck, maybe 

in a hundred years he'll be eligible for becoming Hokage (for then all the civilians that remember Kyuubi's attack would be gone). And maybe he'll pass a genin team, maybe.

He could deal with an extended life as long as he dies, because he'd go mad if he had to live forever and not die.

_End_


End file.
